The Vegetable Spider

 

“I am so tired of the killing!” he yelled, making his way down the silvery strands of his web. “I have had enough; I’m leaving. I have eaten my last insect.” The Other Spider looked at him curiously from his own web, not far from his in the upper left corner of the porch where they lived. They often conversed, as even asocial animals love company when they can get it, but they would never venture too close to the other’s web, lest the instinct take over and they find a sudden end to their adaquate and convenient acquaintanceship.  

“What are you talking about?” the Other Spider called. “You cannot quit eating.” 

“I just cannot do this anymore,” he replied, “It is just not right. I cannot believe we were meant to do this.” He started climbing down the wall and away from his web. The Other Spider was so startled by this sudden outburst and obviously confused mental state that his curiosity compelled him to forgo his thought of personal safety and venture out of the web, which they rarely did. He began to follow the spider with the notion of finding out what this was all about.  

“Where are you going?” the Other Spider cried out to him. “It is dangerous out here; there are birds.” By this time, they had made their way to the porch floor. The Other Spider was smaller and therefore had had a difficult time keeping up and in his attempt to compensate, failed to notice how closely he was following. He repeated, “I said, where are you going to?” The spider reared and was then in front of him with his long forelegs in the air in a quite threatening manner. The Other Spider was seized with panic and could not move. 

“See!” the spider yelled, “I could eat you, but I am not going to. Just because we are spiders does not mean that we must be murderers!” He reared again and continued on his way. The Other Spider was quite shaken and knew not what to think. He had never come so close to his fate before. Still bewildered, he began tracing the spider’s path again, this time at a considerable distance. 

“What do you mean by all that?” he called to him. “Where are you going?” Without looking back or diminishing his stride, the spider said, “I am going to look for food.” He reached the first step, attached his web to the ledge, and began his descent, repelling against the brick. The Other Spider peered over the ledge after him. 

“What are you going to eat for food?” The Other Spider called to him. “I thought you said that you were not going to kill anything.” 

“I am not,” he replied. “I am going to find some vegetables. From now on, I am a Vegetable Spider.” 

“What is a Vegetable Spider?” asked The Other Spider. “A spider that eats vegetables,” came the reply.  

“But you are a spider,” said The Other Spider, “Spiders eat insects.” 

“Not me,” said the Vegetable Spider, “I eat vegetables.” 

They got down to the ground where the sea of grass spread out before them and a host of crickets and other insects lay hidden.  

“Are you going to find vegetables in here?” asked The Other Spider. “Can you even live off of just vegetables?” 

“I am sure that you can,” replied the vegetable Spider. “I am sure that if you maintain a healthy diet, you can do nicely on a variety of different kinds of vegetables. I will just have to see which is most appetizing and which seem healthy.” 

“How will you know?” The Other Spider inquired.  

“Well, I will know if it is really good for me if it tastes really bad,” said the Vegetable Spider. 

“But why would you want to do something like that?” The Other Spider continued. “What is wrong with living on insects like we always did?” 

“Why? Because I see this killing as wrong and I want to stop it. I am tired of seeing the look of horror on the face of my dinner as I prepare to satisfy myself on his misery and torture.” 

“I never think about it,” said The Other Spider, “Dinner is dinner. I just eat it.” They were walking side by side on the dirt path between clumps of grass. 

“See, that is the problem. We take no notice of how we affect others. Those insects had lives the same as we. I hate being afraid of being eaten. I just want to be out of the food chain.” 

“But does that make me bad?” The Other Spider said. “I think that I am just doing what I am supposed to do. I have never had a problem with it.” 

“How do you know that that is what you are supposed to do?” the Vegetable Spider asked. “Because I am a spider; that is what spider’s do,” the Other Spider said.

“But how do you know?” 

“Because they just do,” he said, not knowing what else to.

“Do you see what I mean?” said the Vegetable Spider, “You have been made to believe that. You grew up thinking that and that is the way you think right now, but that is not the way it has to be. I am not going to be a part of it any more.” 

They continued around the winding little path amidst the leaves and such. 

“I do not think that I quite believe that,” said the Other Spider. “We do what we were meant to. We are not intended to break the cycle.” 

“Perhaps breaking the cycle is exactly what we are intended to do. You, yourself, are breaking your instinct already; you followed me rather than staying safely tucked away in your web, waiting out the rest of your days in an ignorant display of a spider’s natural evil.” 

The Other Spider pondered hard over these strange ideas. Though intrigued, he was more than a little alarmed at this outlandish way of thinking. The Vegetable Spider may have something, but as of yet, the Other Spider did not see it and could not understand what was so bad about eating insects. 

“Alright,” he said at last, “This I am sure - we are meant to fill the measure of our creation, whatever that may be. If we are born to be spiders, then we must be spiders – and good spiders – and if we are born to eat other animals, then we should eat other animals. That is what we are made for.” 

The Vegetable Spider made no pause in replying, “We are not merely to fill the measure of our creation, but to magnify it, indeed, to surpass it. If we are born with instincts that are imperfect, then we must become better by denying them. ‘Put off the natural spider’.” 

He definitely had a point. The other spider was now uncertain what to think. He had not had time to really develop these new concepts in his brain, but hoped he would gain a little better grasp on things after they had time to sink in a little. Then he would know if the Vegetable Spider was advanced beyond genius or a crazed heretic. Either way, for the moment he was decidedly neutral. The best way to find if he is right is to wait it out and see what becomes of the Vegetable Spider. If he can actually live without taking another life, then perhaps that would be the best thing to do. If perhaps he starves to death, why, then the old fashioned concoctions of cricket cuisine will be back on the menu. Either way, The Other Spider had little to lose, provided that The Vegetable Spider kept his distance and did not suddenly get too hungry for his convictions. 

They continued over mounds of dirt and around stumps, looking for something for the Vegetable Spider to eat.  They came across a row of ants, carrying bits of plants and other morsels to their colony for their food storage. They were on about their busy work so intently that they scarcely noticed the two spiders silently observing them.  

“Look,” said the Vegetable Spider, “see how they carry bits of vegetation and stuff to their dwelling. They do not need to kill other animals or least of all each other for food. And they are not that much different from us, physically. They have legs, abdomen, torso, exoskeleton. If they can live off of that, then so can we. We have no need to take life.” About this time, he looked back at the Other Spider, who sat listening intently as he gnawed on a few ants. “What are you doing?” he asked in dismay. 

“What?” said The Other Spider, quite puzzled. 

“Were you listening to what I just said?” 

“Yes of course,” said The Other Spider. Then, noticing that the seeming objection was directed at the remaining bit of ant that he was munching, he offered the explanation, “well, I was getting a little hungry. But what you said made some sense though.” 

“Ugh,” he sighed and stormed off. The Other Spider rejoined him after a few moments, still cleaning his chops.  “Full?” asked the Vegetable Spider. 

“Oh yes, thank you,” the Other Spider replied. 

“Butcher,” said the Vegetable Spider accusingly in a low voice.  

“Now wait a minute,” said the Other Spider, “I never said that I was ready to get on board with this plan of yours. I am going to see how it goes first and see if we find some decent vegetation, but in the mean time, I am hungry now.” 

They continued on until they came upon a vine with large green leaves that was the first non-grass item that they had seen. The Vegetable Spider crawled up to it and tapped the base of it with his leg. He looked at it for a few moments and The Other Spider wondered what he was thinking.  

“Well,” The Other Spider said, “are you going to eat it or crawl up it?” 

The Vegetable Spider tapped it again and looked at it some more. “Well,” he finally said, “I am hungry; I guess I will eat it. Here goes.” He moved toward it and attempted to sink his fangs into the thick stem. The substance might as well have been wood for he could not make a dent in it. He tried again, harder, and the crackling sound of the surface breaking could be heard. Then he tried to pull his fangs out again and encountered considerably more difficulty. He positioned his forelegs to allow for the most leverage and finally he was released with a recoil that nearly send him to the ground. He looked over at the Other Spider for a moment, who had a moment ago thought to laugh, now suddenly feared that the Vegetable Spider had changed his mind. But then the Vegetable Spider, not the least bit disheartened, said, “Well, let us move on the softer stuff.” 

He climbed up the stalk to the first stem and it bowed as he made his way over to the leaf. He tried to detect a scent and then began to nibble on the edge. “Well,” said the Other Spider, “What do you think?” 

“It is definitely good for me,” said the Vegetable Spider.  “Let’s find something else.” He let himself down on a strand of silk and proceeded farther away from his home.  

They continued for several hours across the yard toward a large object looming up ahead. When they finally arrived at the structure, which was an abandoned cinder block, they came across another spider sitting in his web. They began conversing with the small black arachnid. The Other Spider told how The Vegetable Spider had given up killing and was seeking Vegetables to eat and how they had spent all this time together and how neither had felt inclined to make a meal of the other.  The Black Arachnid assured them that they were mad. 

“What in the world are you talking about?” He said.  “Did you fellas catch a gluttonous dung beetle in your webs or what? What has you talking like this?” 

The Other Spider advocated that The Vegetable Spider was seeking by example to set some wrong things right and that there was nothing wrong with that. He vouched that, though he is not forcing anyone to do anything, The Vegetable Spider would show that it is possible for all the insects to not take life and live as he does. 

“Granted that what is good for the ant is good for the anthill,” said the Black Arachnid, “but what you are talking about is just senseless. Even if you can go without eating flies or other spiders does not assure that other spiders would do the same. Just stay out of my web; that is all I have to say.” 

“I am not completely sure that it is possible,” said the Other Spider, “but, if it were, do you not think that it would be worth trying?” 

“Certainly not,” he said. “You may think that it is worth trying for, but it is certainly not worth dying for, and if you stay buddy-buddy with him too close, that philosophy is going to get you.” He was eyeing the Vegetable Spider suspiciously as he spoke. “There is just something wrong here.” 

“I know enough to know that he would not eat me,” said the Other Spider. “If he had that in mind, he would have done it by now.” 

The Black Arachnid laughed at that. “Oh, you will find out. All that jazz is really swell now, but wait until the drive sets in.” 

“Drive?” asked the Other Spider. “Yeah man,” he said, “The instinct. There is nothing more powerful than the instinct. You cannot fight it.” 

“Now who has been eating the dung beetles?” commented the Vegetable Spider. The arachnid had The Other Spider’s complete attention. 

“The killer instinct is the strongest in spiders. They have to kill; it is in their blood. You might think that you can go without it for a short time, but after a while it takes over without your control and does it for you. It’s nature, my spider.  There is nothing stronger… well, almost.” He seemed to grin slightly. 

“What else?” asked the Other Spider. “Oh, you will find out sometime,” he said. “The most powerful drives in nature, that and survival. There is nothing stronger.” 

“Oh, well I conquered that one already,” The Other Spider said. 

“Oh?” said the Black Arachnid. 

“Oh, yes. He and I have been together for a while now and nature has not forced us to eat each other. At first I was afraid, but I am not any longer. I am sure he is right, that these instincts can be conquered.” 

“I should warn, lest they conquer you,” he said, and turned back to the recesses of the structure. 

“Some will close their mind to anything,” said the Vegetable Spider. “He will not trust anyone because he cannot be trusted himself.” 

“Well, he made no effort to hide that,” said The Other Spider. “At least he can be trusted on that point.” 

They continued for some time until they could not go on any longer without rest. The stomach of the Vegetable Spider was empty and he was beginning to become very weary, nevertheless, his convictions stayed strong and he would never take another life as long as he lived. They found a stool in the yard under which to make a web. The vegetable Spider began in the corner to attach a piece of webbing. The Other Spider came up along side him and began to do the same.  

“What are you doing?” asked the Vegetable Spider.  “Making some web to sleep on,” replied the Other Spider. 

“Oh no,” he said, “Not so close to me. You have not proven yourself to be that trustworthy yet. You are still carnivorous.” 

“But I would never want to eat you,” The Other Spider said. “And I am really starting to think that you may be right about this. I rather enjoy company rather than aloneness. If we could only refrain from eating each other, we could find relative tranquility together.” 

“Yes, it is a spider eat spider world. I hope to change that, but let’s not run before we can walk, shall we?” He pointed over to another corner. “I would prefer you over there.” 

After spending quite some time building a shelter, the Vegetable Spider sat in the middle of his web, pondering. Before long, the Other Spider had fallen asleep. The Vegetable Spider stared at him, rubbing his empty belly. He could not know how the Vegetable Spider hungered; the Vegetable Spider did not want him to know. He might not trust him. The Vegetable Spider had not suffered doubt in his ideals; he was convinced that he was right. His mind was firm, but his stomach ached. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, hoping that when he awoke he would quickly find food.  

The Vegetable Spider awoke suddenly, as he was being shaken around, which nearly startled him senseless. When his eyes focused, they rested on a large June bug caught in the web. It writhed and struggled, but only succeeded in getting itself further entangled. Its mesmerizing movements and the vibrations in the web stirred something inside the Vegetable Spider. The aching in his stomach lured him a little closer to that which waited helpless. For a moment, he forgot who he was and let habit govern his actions. He slowly moved closer and closer and his mouth salivated with the thought of sinking in his fangs. 

“It is a June bug!” cried The Other Spider. “I am quite fond of them. What are you going to do with him?” Suddenly, his senses returned and he pondered on what lay before him. His stomach ached and he longed to taste food again. However, he knew that if habit was to be broken that it must start now. He wanted it so badly, though. He moved a little closer to it and saw how helpless it was there. He struggled with himself up to the last moment and then with one motion, cut it free of the web. It fell to the ground and began to make its escape, followed by dragging strands of silk.  The Other Spider crawled onto the web and approached him. 

“See, I do not know if I could have done it,” he said. The Vegetable Spider just stared at him. After a moment, he said to the Other Spider simply that he was hungry and that it was time to move on. They started again. Several hours went by and he became more and more grudging at the Other Spider’s every word. The Other Spider continued on and on, completely oblivious to the agony that pierced The Vegetable Spider. He attempted to keep reminding himself that it was all to test his revolutionary and wonderful revelation.  He was glad that he did not kill the June bug, but he was shocked at how tempting it was. But the important thing was that he beat it. Yet constantly he had to defeat the desire to devour the Other Spider, which thought nagged him, if only to shut him up. He had enjoyed his company so much and now, with this new burden that he felt he would face better alone, he wished with all his might that the Other Spider was not there.  

There was not much vegetation at all. At one point, he attempted to eat grass, but that was not any more edible than the vine leaf had been. The idea was looking like a failure, but he still felt the drive to stand by his conviction over the instinct to survive. 

Finally, they came upon an almost luminous plant there in a garden bed. It seemed to bear the most colorful fruit that the Vegetable Spider had ever seen. He approached it and spent a moment looking at it in hopeful doubt. He wanted to bask in the fancy that it might prove edible for a moment longer, before the nasty reality of it would sour his mouth once again. He settled that if this was to be as the last, that he would have no resort but to eat the Other Spider. He just had to.  

As he yet lingered on the thought, the Other Spider climbed upon one of the fruit bulbs and sank his fangs into it. He filled with excitement as he gorged himself and invited the Vegetable Spider to partake of his dream. His hopeful doubt became doubtful hope and he rushed toward it and drank from the luscious orb. The juice was both filling and delicious. He felt overjoyed and knew that everything was about to change. No spider could take life for food after experiencing this. His desire for flesh had diminished to nothing and his days of killing were over. His instincts were replaced by bodily subjection to consciousness and he was satisfied.  

The Other Spider approached him and gleamed. “No one has ever been more right than you. I will never kill again.” The Vegetable Spider was brought down by the thoughts that he had had of eating his friend and the June bug.  He could hardly conceive that if he had failed to hold out, that he would have missed this and would have been miserable all the days of his life. “When I got hungry, I was very tempted to give in,” he said, looking at his friend solemnly.  

“I am so glad that you did not,” came a voice from nearby. They turned and beheld the most beautiful spider that they had ever seen. She lay in her web in the midst of the garden paradise with fruit seeds piled beneath her. “I almost did too. You had the same vision too, didn’t you? You had the same unexplainable drive. I just knew that there was more than killing in the world. There is life.” 

“I agree,” said the Vegetable Spider, “How did you find this place?” “Same as you,” she said. “My mate and I came looking for a place where we could be safe and could live without taking life. Like you, we sought to conquer natural instincts and cling to morality and a spiritual code. We cannot kill other insects; we are all brothers and sisters; we all spring from the same Mother Earth, the same fountain of life.” 

“Yes, you are right,” said the Other Spider. “He and I are brothers. We did not want to eat each other. It is not necessary to take life when we can avoid it. This place is like a dream come true. We have to go tell others about this place.” 

“No,” she said, “you should not leave. I sent my children to tell others and they never came back. I fear the worst for them. They tried to take idealism that they learned here and spread it to an undeserving world. They are just not ready for such a place. Who knows what would happen if someone is introduced to this place that is not willing to live by the order of it. Those who are, find it, like you and me. The others will slowly come, one at a time. The first step is to lose the instinct and desire to kill. It should be totally banished from your hearts. Is it?” 

“Yes,” they chimed in unison. “And next?” asked the Vegetable Spider. 

“The next is the principle of self-sacrifice, the placing of another’s need above one’s own.” She looked saddened. “My mate learned this all too well.” She brightened for a moment as she recalled, “He always put me first. He had not a selfish hair on his body. He loved me so much.” 

“What happened to him?” asked The Other Spider.  

“I really do not like to recall the details, but there was another spider whose instincts were not so much subdued. He wanted to protect me. It is the way love should be, even though I miss him. As long as I live, though, his sacrifice has meaning.  He was so wonderful! He found this place first. It was his vision, this Garden of Peace. No one knows what we were planning. We were going to make this our paradise and raise our offspring here. For a long time, I thought that it would never happen, but now that you are here I think it may.” 

“Me?” The Other Spider asked. 

“You,” she said looking at the Vegetable Spider. “You are the one who sought this place aren’t you?” 

“Yes,” he said. 

“I am not ashamed to admit that I was getting lonely. It is not good for us to be alone. Do you like me?  

“Of course,” he said, his heart beating even more so now than when he first knew this place was real, when he bit into the fruit. 

“I think that you are a lot like me. I thought… that is… if you wanted you could replace him. This garden and I are yours.” 

“What of me?” asked the Other Spider. “This place is wonderful, but is there a mate here for me?” 

“I am sorry,” she said, “I am the only one, and I loved the devotion I felt with my companion so much that I could only ever have one mate at one time. I do not think he would object to you,” she said turning back to the Vegetable Spider. “He would never want me to be lonely.” She looked down at The Vegetable Spider for a moment as if she thought he might reject her. 

He stood there thinking and realized that being alone, her social abilities may leave her without a certain sense of tact, but she seemed sincere. He recognized how she had a need for him. He felt sorry for the Other Spider, but reasoned that he could always go find a mate and convert her and bring her back. 

Her web was woven in the traditional bridal web, obviously in anticipation of the coming of a long held desire. He began to feel some of the self-sacrifice as he realized that the most pleasant thing was not the way that she looked, although she was enticing enough to attract any male spider, but that he had the opportunity to make her happy and to create offspring to enjoy paradise. This was the same as though he had gone and converted a hundred spiders to lowering their fangs in peace toward each other. 

His full purpose filled, and his full happiness brought about, he climbed up with her and held her. The Other Spider made his attempts to banish his hurt feelings, but they rose in one final objection. “What about the other instinct? I am sure that it has to do with mating? Is that not what that Arachnid was talking about?” 

“I think so,” answered The Vegetable Spider 

“Do we not bring that into submission too?” he asked 

“We do when we convert our instinct to mate into genuine love,” she replied. “That is when we have conquered all of our instincts.” The Other Spider sat and watched the way they looked at each other and managed to feel glad for his friend. As he started to walk away to leave them alone, he looked back one last time to retain a vision of what he may have to look forward to at some time to come. He saw her place her arms around The Vegetable Spider and his around her, and then he turned away.  

Having gained and lost paradise in a single moment, he began walking, considering now that after he had left all to follow the Vegetable Spider he was still alone. He looked around him at the colorful fruit that grew plentifully on the vines. The beauty of it all was astounding, but now this paradise seemed to have a shade of darkness surrounding it. 

To survive, to eat and to mate are the three most powerful instincts, and the greatest is to mate. He stopped in the clearing, still having difficulty making sense of it all. And we are supposed to rise above our nature and conquer our instincts. We are to modify the desire to eat and curb our desire to kill. And we are to convert our desire to mate into a genuine love. Am I only jealous, he thought.  

Truly the Vegetable Spider was a prophet and revolutionary. He had led the Other Spider so far from his instincts and his comfort zone, but to leave him like this so unprepared for the world, so unable, it seemed, to carry these ideas onward, left him bewildered. There arose in him another objection. He realized that he must have his questions answered or he would never be able to rest. He turned again to demand the Vegetable Spider to put his mind at ease, that it was not mere hypocrisy that caused the Vegetable Spider to put his own happiness over that of his friend, and to abandon him with ideals that he lacked the strength on his own to put into practice. 

As he reached the edge of clearing, his mind full of questions and disquiet, his eyes looked up in horror as he watched helplessly as the Vegetable Spider struggled, tangled in the web and could see her fangs sinking into his back. 

September 13, 1999